meaning

December

 

I heard a bird sing, in the dark of December. 

A magical thing, and sweet to remember.

“We are nearer to Spring than we were in September,”

I heard a bird sing, in the dark of December. 

~Oliver Herford, I heard a Bird Sing

fall leaves

 

I hope your weekend was a lovely and peaceful one.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving, but like so many living with chronic illness, I had to cut corners where I could~I kept the crowd small, and kept the menu manageable. I also spaced my activities well in the days leading up~shopping one day, cleaning two days later with a rest day in between. Despite all of this careful planning, apparently I wasn’t careful enough. I have paid for all of this dearly in the last three days. While it felt like the normal world was out embracing the holiday season in earnest, I have been home, instead finding myself in illness’s embrace.

At the start of this year, in healthier days, I had a ritual as each new month began. I contemplated lofty expectations and wholeheartedly embraced my goals. Yet now, here I am, at the start of another month, a time that should be full of promise, and it is so much different. Because this year turned out to be so much different than expected. It has been plagued with lupus, and intense pain and fatigue I didn’t know existed. It has been riddled with doctors and hospitals and other ugliness.

fall flowers

In the face of all of this, for most of this year, I have worried about everything. I have worried about this blog, my online presence, and my other projects. I have thought about whether or not it is worth it to go on, to keep trying. I thought I wasn’t brave enough to be successful.

Now I realize that isn’t it at all. What I have been trying to do simply has not been healing to my spirit at this point in my life. It is a matter of eliminating what isn’t working, identifying what nurtures me, and choosing wisely.  Illness, creativity and success can harmoniously coexist.

Moving forward, it isn’t about lofty goals or expectations. It is all about simplicity, gratitude, blessings and small victories. A very different, and better, kind of promise. I want to go gently and enjoy everything this month is about. I have promised myself from now on that everything I do will be done with meaning and love.  I hope to stop in here a time or two before we greet 2014 to say hello, and then be back, as this blog does have a place in my heart and in my plans for next year.

Until my return friends, I wish you a beautiful, peaceful and healthy December.

flowers

Have A Beautiful Week

Pause

Friends, I hope my words find you well at the start of this glorious fall week.

I have spent the last few days deep in loving thought. Today is the third anniversary of my father’s passing. In looking back I feel like the time has slipped by so quickly. Three years without him. Three years knowing he is surrounded by infinite love and grace.

Now that he has a better view in that indescribably beautiful place, I hope he sees how much he is missed. I hope he feels how much he is loved. How each of us has found our own way to honor and remember him.

white pumpkin

In a few days my husband and I will be escaping to the mountains. This is the time of year my father enjoyed the most, and we will be going to a place that he loved very much. I want to go out amongst the granite walls, peaceful lakes, rushing streams and countless trees, fill my body with that magical, healing Sierra air and know he is there in everything I feel, sense and see. I really do believe he lives on in the things he loved when he was here. I don’t think that love ever stops, no matter where we are, be it in body or spirit.

 Naturally my thoughts also turn to my health and how it may influence our time away. I’m trying not to worry about my energy and pain. I am blessed with a very loving, patient and supportive partner. I know there are no expectations of me. I will set the pace. He will know exactly what to do.

Worry really is so unnecessary.

 I will be spending the next few days feeling happy and at peace, getting ready for this beautiful adventure. I will be feeling grateful, too. For memories. For love. For good days. For great days. For opportunities. And for living in this incredible state, with so many amazing places close to home to explore.

Have a beautiful week.

Until my return .  . .

Starbucks California mug

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