Life Lately: Motherhood
Let her sleep, for when she wakes, she will move mountains.
Let her sleep, for when she wakes, she will shake the world.
Life has been a bit of a blur lately. So much of one that I realized just yesterday, eleven days into August, that we had turned a page on another month; this much closer to cozy autumn days, sweaters and rich colors and falling leaves and other magic.
While I look forward, I have also been consumed for the last two months with something unexpected. In June we took our gorgeous Gracie girl to the vet for her usual checkup. While all outward signs have told us she’s a happy, healthy, vibrant dog, one round of routine lab work and one follow up round a month later have revealed otherwise. There is a problem with her liver, and we don’t yet know what it is.
The process so far has been one of elimination. We spent the first 30 days after the initial testing stopping all of her medications with the hope that they had caused the problem. The second round of tests showed the same scary results as the first. Our efforts didn’t help. Now we are preparing for a third round in a few weeks’ time, and until then our girl will be enjoying an all organic diet, a prescription liver support supplement, as well as other vitamins, minerals and oils to get her back to her healthy best. If these efforts prove futile, ultrasound and biopsy are next on the agenda. And by then, if that moment comes, I will be one doggie mommy on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
For these two months I have been watching her every move. Is she sleeping too much? Drinking too much? Eating too little? Does she want to play like she did before? She is sleeping more than usual, but it doesn’t stop me from constantly looking at her and feeling her for the slightest little bump or irregularity. When all she wants to do is sleep, there I am, Crazy Mommy, interrupting her slumber as I run my hands along the perfect contours of her body, wanting to love her because no matter what I do it never feels like enough. I always get the thump of her tail against the floor or the bed, depending on where she settles. Her precious way of saying Mommy, I don’t mind. I love you. But don’t worry Mommy. I’m going to be just fine.
Yesterday I found her outside in the backyard by herself. I watched through the screen door quietly, just wanting to take in her sense of wonder. How she carefully studied a honeybee in the garden, perched atop my red bell pepper plant. How she gently sat down and looked up at the sky as a plane flew overhead, captivated by its movement and sound against bright blue and sweeps of white, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. I am always learning from this girl. This beautiful, heaven sent, exquisite creature who has held my heart since the day my husband brought her home.
Until that next vet visit, it will be parenthood as usual in this house. We will let her sleep and play and explore and do as she pleases. There will be lots of belly rubs, gentle kisses and Daddy cuddles. And simply enjoying her, and the love that fills this home.
Have an amazing week, everyone.
Give your babes some extra love today, both the four legged kind and two legged kind.