Happy New Year

If I could sum up how I felt for the duration of 2013 in one mere word, the answer is simple. I felt heartbroken.

I didn’t always know why, but when I could pinpoint the source of the feeling it most often came at times when I would dwell on all that illness has taken from me, and how I now have to seek purpose in the different and unexpected.

The different and unexpected can be a blessing, but it isn’t exactly easy to see in a cloud of constant pain. My heart has ached under this weight, this unsettling grief for what 2013, and what my life, was supposed to be. I know it isn’t right to feel that way. My life is amazing, and in countless ways. But sometimes fear and uncertainty win.

daisy

I want to be free. Going forward, more often than not, I want my fear to yield to wisdom. I want to greet each day with a thankful heart in the face of the painful and seemingly insurmountable, and end each day with that same precious sentiment. I want to recognize opportunity in the impossible. Essentially, I want to know the message of hope and meaning I came to love not long ago, before my health declined again.

Maintaining that delicate balance of self-care and all I wish to accomplish in 2014 won’t be easy, but I’m excited and happy to have the chance.

I am, after all, here.

May your new year, and every moment going forward, overflow with faith, peace and possibilities.

2 Responses to Happy New Year

  • Praying for a pain free 2014 for you. Pain makes a good attitude very difficult. I think it’s okay to complain once in a while! Life is hard! There is beauty, and you’re very good at finding it, but the hard parts are, well, hard.

    • Marie, I thank you for your support, friendship and prayers. I have been a real trooper for fourteen years of having compromised health, and then this year, year fifteen, was difficult. It was challenging in unprecedented ways (medically speaking) and I struggled to cope for the first time in my life. I am looking forward to 2014 for sure. <3

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