Happy New Year
If I could sum up how I felt for the duration of 2013 in one mere word, the answer is simple. I felt heartbroken.
I didn’t always know why, but when I could pinpoint the source of the feeling it most often came at times when I would dwell on all that illness has taken from me, and how I now have to seek purpose in the different and unexpected.
The different and unexpected can be a blessing, but it isn’t exactly easy to see in a cloud of constant pain. My heart has ached under this weight, this unsettling grief for what 2013, and what my life, was supposed to be. I know it isn’t right to feel that way. My life is amazing, and in countless ways. But sometimes fear and uncertainty win.
I want to be free. Going forward, more often than not, I want my fear to yield to wisdom. I want to greet each day with a thankful heart in the face of the painful and seemingly insurmountable, and end each day with that same precious sentiment. I want to recognize opportunity in the impossible. Essentially, I want to know the message of hope and meaning I came to love not long ago, before my health declined again.
Maintaining that delicate balance of self-care and all I wish to accomplish in 2014 won’t be easy, but I’m excited and happy to have the chance.
I am, after all, here.
May your new year, and every moment going forward, overflow with faith, peace and possibilities.