December

 

I heard a bird sing, in the dark of December. 

A magical thing, and sweet to remember.

“We are nearer to Spring than we were in September,”

I heard a bird sing, in the dark of December. 

~Oliver Herford, I heard a Bird Sing

fall leaves

 

I hope your weekend was a lovely and peaceful one.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving, but like so many living with chronic illness, I had to cut corners where I could~I kept the crowd small, and kept the menu manageable. I also spaced my activities well in the days leading up~shopping one day, cleaning two days later with a rest day in between. Despite all of this careful planning, apparently I wasn’t careful enough. I have paid for all of this dearly in the last three days. While it felt like the normal world was out embracing the holiday season in earnest, I have been home, instead finding myself in illness’s embrace.

At the start of this year, in healthier days, I had a ritual as each new month began. I contemplated lofty expectations and wholeheartedly embraced my goals. Yet now, here I am, at the start of another month, a time that should be full of promise, and it is so much different. Because this year turned out to be so much different than expected. It has been plagued with lupus, and intense pain and fatigue I didn’t know existed. It has been riddled with doctors and hospitals and other ugliness.

fall flowers

In the face of all of this, for most of this year, I have worried about everything. I have worried about this blog, my online presence, and my other projects. I have thought about whether or not it is worth it to go on, to keep trying. I thought I wasn’t brave enough to be successful.

Now I realize that isn’t it at all. What I have been trying to do simply has not been healing to my spirit at this point in my life. It is a matter of eliminating what isn’t working, identifying what nurtures me, and choosing wisely.  Illness, creativity and success can harmoniously coexist.

Moving forward, it isn’t about lofty goals or expectations. It is all about simplicity, gratitude, blessings and small victories. A very different, and better, kind of promise. I want to go gently and enjoy everything this month is about. I have promised myself from now on that everything I do will be done with meaning and love.  I hope to stop in here a time or two before we greet 2014 to say hello, and then be back, as this blog does have a place in my heart and in my plans for next year.

Until my return friends, I wish you a beautiful, peaceful and healthy December.

flowers

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