I looked at the calendar two days ago and realized I haven’t posted in two long weeks. My apologies, beautiful friends. I had a rather monumental doctor’s visit on the 6th and hopelessly lost track of things right after.
I approached this visit with the righteous indignation that can be so darn typical of me when I’ve hit my limit~with lupus, with fibromyalgia, with doctors, with everything. I planned to march right into her office and announce “I’m done! You won’t be seeing me for a while!”, but my recent lab results and her examination of me brought some new things to light. It turns out my brain, nerves, kidney and heart all need a closer look see. Yes, you read that correctly. Kidney, as in singular. I was born with only one.
I have spent my time since gradually fielding calls from other doctor’s offices, imaging centers and other testing facilities (oh yes, and my dreaded insurance company). As of last Friday everything is on the calendar and it all gets going this coming Thursday. I will be consumed with all of this until the end of next month, with my last test scheduled for October 29th. I face this time with a great deal of apprehension, but also a surprising sense of hope.
My plan is to spend my time quietly at home, doing everything I can to lessen my pain, surrounding myself with love, laughter, and compassion. I wish to work on a daily practice of joy, growth and spirit. It will involve simple things, like working on my photography, lots of cuddles with my babies and experimenting in the kitchen; really whatever it is I feel called to do. I need to view my body from a place of non-contention; it is working hard every day, every moment, to keep me alive and aware, and for that it deserves my respect.
I didn’t mean to forget this place, but when life happens like this, even what is loved and important can go neglected. As I work through all that lies ahead I do hope to stop in here regularly. After all, this time is all about my health and spirit, and every time I stop in here to write a few words I always leave happier and empowered.
Until I’m back, I will stay focused on what is beautiful and good.
Looking for rainbows.
I hope you do the same.