Monthly Archives: September 2013
I hope this message finds you well and happy today, friends.
I haven’t been giving this blog the attention it deserves, but being so sick lately has me focused on more pressing matters. I go to bed each night with the best of intentions. Tomorrow will be different, I say to myself. And then the morning brings the usual~relentless pain, fatigue, depression and weakness. Appointments, tests and simple household stuff take everything I’ve got. Getting online and typing a few paragraphs have been impossible on most days. I’ve had nothing left for the things that give me joy. And this needs to change, for the sake of my spirit.
Today I looked out my front window and spied the loveliest rose blossoms on one of three bushes that grace my front yard. Although my legs were so ridiculously, embarrassingly wobbly, I summoned up the energy to step outside and take a few photos. I haven’t been pleased with my photography skills lately, and sadly that is my main reason for avoiding it over the past few weeks. Lupus and fibromyalgia are causing severe neuropathy in my arms and legs; I haven’t been able to lift my 1 pound camera on most days, let alone hold it perfectly still for the beautifully defined, crisp shots I always want to achieve; and problems with my coordination have made it difficult for me to pull out my tripod and mount my camera properly.
But I’ve got to keep going, keep trying.
And today, by this very simple act, my spirit is joyous and healed again.
Friends, I wish you a beautiful day.
And good health, lots of love, and a happy spirit.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
I looked at the calendar two days ago and realized I haven’t posted in two long weeks. My apologies, beautiful friends. I had a rather monumental doctor’s visit on the 6th and hopelessly lost track of things right after.
I approached this visit with the righteous indignation that can be so darn typical of me when I’ve hit my limit~with lupus, with fibromyalgia, with doctors, with everything. I planned to march right into her office and announce “I’m done! You won’t be seeing me for a while!”, but my recent lab results and her examination of me brought some new things to light. It turns out my brain, nerves, kidney and heart all need a closer look see. Yes, you read that correctly. Kidney, as in singular. I was born with only one.
I have spent my time since gradually fielding calls from other doctor’s offices, imaging centers and other testing facilities (oh yes, and my dreaded insurance company). As of last Friday everything is on the calendar and it all gets going this coming Thursday. I will be consumed with all of this until the end of next month, with my last test scheduled for October 29th. I face this time with a great deal of apprehension, but also a surprising sense of hope.
My plan is to spend my time quietly at home, doing everything I can to lessen my pain, surrounding myself with love, laughter, and compassion. I wish to work on a daily practice of joy, growth and spirit. It will involve simple things, like working on my photography, lots of cuddles with my babies and experimenting in the kitchen; really whatever it is I feel called to do. I need to view my body from a place of non-contention; it is working hard every day, every moment, to keep me alive and aware, and for that it deserves my respect.
I didn’t mean to forget this place, but when life happens like this, even what is loved and important can go neglected. As I work through all that lies ahead I do hope to stop in here regularly. After all, this time is all about my health and spirit, and every time I stop in here to write a few words I always leave happier and empowered.
Until I’m back, I will stay focused on what is beautiful and good.
Looking for rainbows.
I hope you do the same.