In My Thoughts

Apple Blossom

A gorgeous blossom on my backyard apple tree

It has been a thoughtful week, friends.

Yesterday morning I felt crazy and weepy and I really didn’t know why, until I realized it was my father’s birthday.

He would have been 67 years old.

Sometimes I am at peace with him leaving us. And sometimes not.

I have a ritual when I struggle to feel that peace, when it begins to hurt too much. I go out in my yard and spend time with Dad’s beloved little apple tree. My husband and I lovingly planted it in the ground a few months ago, liberating it from the huge pot that had housed it for nearly two years. This little baby has thrived in its new spot in our backyard, with an overabundance of leaves and blossoms and branches, so happy in the sunshine. It may sound weird or stupid, but I really do feel comforted and connected to my dad when I go out and spend time with this beautiful little tree. I guess it is my way of coping, knowing that the things he cared about still find a way to live on here, in this place. I like to think that he looks down from where he is, loves what he sees, and connects with it in some way.

I just want him to always know that his time here mattered. I think he doubted that sometimes, when he was here. That is what breaks my heart the most.

Dad, you mattered. I think the lessons of your soul life are showing you that, and you know it to be true now. But just in case you needed to hear it from me, yes, you mattered.

More than words can ever express.

With family, love and loss on my mind yesterday, I really wanted the rest of my day to be about the things that count. I spent some time with my awesome mom, having a few laughs and talking about the pups and fashion and other things that make us smile. I looked forward to a beautiful night with my husband, enjoying his company and feeling gratitude for all I have been blessed with in this life. He then arrived home with a beautiful bouquet of roses for me.

Sometimes he just knows what I need.

Red Rose Bouquet

red roses

red roses

I swear, life and love are the most amazing things imaginable.

Friends, have a beautiful weekend.

May it be filled with all the things, and people, who bring you joy.

And love.

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