What I Want This Month

Lake in winter

The news came early on Tuesday.

A good soul, an accomplished man, a loved one, passed from this plane to the next, just as he had lived-surrounded by family and devotion and the things that matter.

He was a father, husband, son, brother, cousin and friend.  While it is natural to define him in terms of his bonds with others, above all he was a loving human being.

Now gone.

Thoughtful, solemn conversation followed; and the to-be-expected phrases were spoken.  He’s in a better place.  He’s with God.  His pain is over.  Every word true, but their wisdom couldn’t stop me from wanting to slam my hands on the table, look up and scream “why?” as loud as my body allowed.

And now I feel ashamed.

Ashamed for how I have felt over the last few weeks.  I have felt angry.  Scared.  Most of all I have felt cheated because I’m sick and I have allowed it to control every aspect of my life.  Simply, and bluntly, I lost my appreciation for what I have. For the air in my lungs.  For the things these eyes can see.  For my abilities, which truthfully far outweigh my shortcomings.  For the opportunities before me. For loving and being loved.

Yes, I lost my way.

And that is what brings me to what I want.  I want to know what it means to appreciate again.  This month, this year and forever.

Loss is a myriad of things.  It is incredibly,obscenely, indescribably painful.  But it is an equally powerful teacher.  And it time and again has taught me to stop, recognize the brevity of life, and realize that this leg of our journey really is a pretty awesome thing.

Friends, may we all know gratitude for what is good in this life.

Hold your dear ones close, because time with them will never be enough.

I will take comfort in knowing that this loved one who recently passed, and all of those before him, are now surrounded by infinite love and grace.

And to him I say this: you are loved, your time here mattered, and you will never be forgotten.

Until we meet again . . .

Rose

Friends, may your week (and month) be a beautiful, peaceful and thoughtful one.

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