Getting My Groove Back

Friends, 2013 has been a bit rocky so far.

It was supposed to be all about growth and success, health and happiness, confidence and self-love.  But it just hasn’t gone as planned.  I realize it isn’t over.  I still have time to turn things around.  Lots of time.

But knowing that doesn’t change the fact that I have been so scared, lost and really self-conscious.

So, what is a girl to do when she’s feeling like she’s not all that?

This girl goes for a dose of unparalleled badassery.

This girl goes out and exercises her Second Amendment right.

Katherine Hepburn with gun

I fully acknowledge and understand it; my activity of choice isn’t for everyone.  It’s very serious.  Controversial in the hearts and minds of some.  It’s a little intimidating at first.  Okay, a lot intimidating.   It’s loud and dusty and dirty.

It requires a lot of trust; in the people around you, and ultimately in yourself.

And that, friends, is what makes it perfect in times like this.

I spent most of yesterday shooting several hundred rounds from three different guns: my new .22 handgun, a .45 and a 12 gauge shotgun that belonged to my grandfather.  I quickly found my rhythm, and hit the bullseye again and again.  My husband took his turn, hitting each distant target with startling accuracy.  My eyes fell on the power in his arms and back, every muscle bulging under his crisp white shirt.  In a word: delicious.  My ponytailed hair was a mess.  My skin smelled of gunpowder and lead.  My ears buzzed, traumatized by all the sounds (even though I wore protection).  My arms ached from the recoil.  I was exhausted.

And it was fantastic.

“You were awesome today, sweetheart,” my husband said, squeezing my hand gently on our hour long drive home.  “Sexy, too.”

I closed my eyes and smiled, squeezing his hand right back, relishing the words I so needed to hear.  Pain, fear, illness, all of it makes me question every little thing, and never in a good, constructive way.  But when I choose to challenge myself, to trust myself when my heart and soul feel they are at their absolute lowest point, really amazing things can happen.  It can be mastering firearms, or anything really.  It can be so many things.  Whatever you choose.  This just happens to be what I choose sometimes.

Freedom sure is a beautiful thing.

And that, friends, is something we all can agree on.

Make it a great week.

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