A Turning Point
I am pleased to say things are gradually getting better. My emotions are a bit more balanced. I don’t feel as powerless as I did before. Acceptance is taking its rightful place again.
There was one main reason for my self-imposed exile. Through this process, I have been in near constant worry about my voice. Illness has changed me. Pain and fear does that to a person. And it means that I can’t be funny. I can’t be entertaining or interesting.
Illness, as it stands now in my life, isn’t humorous, fascinating or remotely sexy.
But I missed this place. Terribly. And I realized something. Illness is real. It isn’t everything, but it’s part of me. And in this present moment, it happens to be a really big part of me.
This place isn’t about concocting interesting things to say. It is about healing. It is about the freedom to be me. It is about not denying myself what I enjoy. Some will come here and find that my words are not to their liking, and surely they will go. But more important, some will see me through. And that support is the greatest medicine there is.
This week I made the conscious decision to release my fear; the fear of being boring. I chose to shed the needless stress about my voice and whatever it is I feel compelled to say here. Because really, I must reserve those emotions for the moments that truly call for them. In the coming weeks, my faith, my strength, everything that has seen me through so far will be challenged in unprecedented ways.
The choice is easy really.
It is time to let go of the inconsequential things, and simply share whatever thoughts and words come from my heart.
Have a beautiful weekend, friends.
Surround yourself with beauty, love and the things that give you joy.
Until next week . . .