Fashion Faux Pas

Karl Lagerfeld once said “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat.”

I love Karl.  He’s fabulous and eccentric.  He has a talent I sometimes can’t comprehend.  He devotedly keeps the House of Chanel in the capricious game that is the fashion world.  But sometimes even I can’t agree what comes out of his mouth.

At first the sweatpants thing had me shaking my head.  For the most part it simply isn’t true.  If your sweatpants are a little more on the high end side, pairing good material with an awesome fit, that perfect combo hugging your bod just right, it certainly isn’t a sign of defeat.   If you dress up said sweatpants with Italian leather ballet flats, a cashmere sweater, or maybe a crisp, fitted Oxford or denim shirt, you are far from defeated.  Throw in some beautiful accessories, like the perfect handbag or jewelry (on trend or classic), I say the very same.  The perfect weekend ensemble!

But after I thought about it some more, I realized Karl might be a little bit right in my case.   Yesterday I had one of those a-ha moments, and not the good kind.

I can’t remember the last time I wore a pair of jeans or a nice, crisp pair of pants.  I think it was sometime early in the summer.  Yes, I have worn damn sweatpants every day for almost five months.

Somewhere along the line I did wave my white flag.   I surrendered to all the crap in my life.

There are reasons for this.  Having lupus and chronic pain, I go through long, miserable periods; my body jumps on the train to crazy town and then I just don’t give a shit.   My stomach aches.  My skin stings.  I’m exhausted.  My fingers hurt and I can’t grip buttons or zippers.  I can’t handle the discipline that comes with wearing detailed, structured things.  My head spins when I think about coordinating an outfit.

I simply can’t be constricted, literally and figuratively.

Loose, soft waistbands are my friend.

And hey, if my world was perfect and I was healthy, running in Karl’s circles with a bazillionaire’s bank account, I would dress beautifully every single day.

You can volunteer to dress me anytime, Karl.

But only if I’m feeling good.

Crazy fantasies aside, I do have to start doing things to feel better.  I’ve been eating really well, but it doesn’t seem to be helping.

So I thought I would start this week by dressing up a bit.  It didn’t work out that way.  Instead I wore my stretchy pants and made chocolate chip cookies.  What, you may ask, do sweatpants and cookies have in common?  It’s obvious.  With my waistbands nice and loose, I can indulge in whatever food I desire.

I will get back to eating clean again when I darn well please.

Here is my recipe.  Well, it’s not mine.  I in no way take credit for coming up with it.  I found it about a year ago on the blog Savory Sweet Life, by Alice Currah.   Forget the recipe on the Nestle chocolate chip bag.   Alice describes her cookies as “fierce”, and she walks her talk.

Here’s what you need:

2 sticks salted butter

1/2 cup sugar

1 & 1/2 cups packed brown sugar

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 & 3/4 cups all purpose flour (or 12 ounces, Alice recommends weighing the flour if possible, I don’t weigh and my cookies have turned out perfect)

3/4 teaspoon smallish to medium coarse sea salt (This is really important-the sea salt gives the cookies a yummy texture and it really makes a difference in the taste-you get this really awesome pop of flavor with the flecks of sea salt-but if this doesn’t sound desirable go with 1/2 teaspoon table salt.)

1 tablespoon baking soda

1 & 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

2 & 1/4 cups chocolate chips (I go with milk because that is what I happen to like best-please note that a standard small bag of Nestle’s doesn’t quite provide two cups and you will need the extra 1/4 cup-go with two small bags, or one big one.  Sometimes I will throw in an additional 1/4 or 1/3 cup when the mood strikes and I want more chocolate.)

Preheat oven to 360.  It is really important to cream all sugar and butter together for about three minutes on medium to high speed.  Add eggs and vanilla, and beat for an additional two minutes.  Add baking soda, baking powder, salt and flour until batter is fully incorporated.  Add chocolate chips gradually and distribute well.

Alice suggests using parchment paper on the cookie sheets, and this is critical to the way the cookies turn out.  Place dough on parchment paper lined sheets, about two tablespoons each (unless you have a medium cookie scoop).  Bake for 12-14 minutes.  Once out of the oven, leave the cookies on the sheet for an additional two minutes before transfering them to a non-porous cool surface.  Honestly, I transfer mine to a cooling rack and they turn out just fine.

So there you have it.  The perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe.  A remedy that has a way of making a dark day so much brighter.

Healthy diet, I seriously needed a break from you.  But don’t worry.   I will be back soon.

Thanks, sweatpants, for your comfort and kindness.

And thanks to you, Alice.

Your cookies seriously rock.

For more information on Savory Sweet Life and these amazing cookies:

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