All You Need Is Love

I have felt totally in love with love lately.

I have these moments with my husband that are so wonderful, I can’t believe I’m here to experience them.

Experiencing love.

 Aware and alive and feeling every bit of it.

Growing up I never thought I would have someone.  I imagined weddings and commitment, passion and dramatic moments, like embraces and kisses in the rain.  I never thought I was meant to have those things.

When I was really young I was led to believe, by people who really didn’t care about me, that I was dumb and ugly, and no one would ever love me.  It didn’t matter that I had other people in my life, loving and protective people who would tell me otherwise.

Mean words and things and people were so much easier to believe back then.

When I grew up, age and wisdom had a chance to settle in.  I tried hard to right the wrongs in my way of thinking.  I was almost free.   And then another obstacle presented itself.  I got sick.  After all that progress, just when I started to love myself just a little bit, enough to feel that love would someday be mine, it was another crushing, giant step back.

But that’s the thing about life.  The amazing and unexpected is always possible.

Love found its way to me anyway, despite all it had to overcome.

Not only am I in love with love, I’m in love with love stories.  Stories about how love came to be.  Some are more interesting and flamboyant than others, but all of them have a certain beauty and hold a certain power.  I met my love through a job, and at the time I was listless, contemplating my future, preparing to move on.   We were introduced through a mutual acquaintance whom I didn’t really like very much.

Now I know why I stayed as long as I did, delaying my departure from that job.

And I feel blessed when I think of how I heard that person out, and followed his advice to date this nice guy he knew, even though I didn’t want to listen to this person, because I didn’t like him and found his morals questionable.  I picked the right time to put my judgment to the side and open myself up to a life and love I never thought would happen.

I have known him for over seven years now, married for nearly five.  It hasn’t been easy.  There have been challenges both within and beyond our control.  But we do “us” really well.  And the good times are the kinds of moments and days that make life worth living.  He has that perfect blend; an uncharacteristic caring and sweetness, joined with a masculine toughness that makes me feel weak in the knees.

I cherish having a partner who treats my heart with care when it’s feeling a bit fragile.

Who accepts my challenges as his own.

Who welcomes my joys and highs, and sees me through so many lows.

Whose endearing words are so much more than half hearted musings.

Who knows exactly how to make me laugh when I need it most.

And who has the maturity to know what love means, and values it far beyond the free wheeling intoxication the romantic part of it gives you.

I’m one lucky girl.

I love you, Pumpkin.

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