I have been thinking a lot about limits.
Yes, we all have them.
I’ve got a lot of them.
What I can’t buy, what I can’t eat, what I can’t write and do and say.
They have a central theme in common. Each one directly relates to my health in one way or another. They’re most certainly not a figment of my imagination. They’re not about making excuses. They’re real. Sometimes they bother me, and sometimes they don’t. But lately it seems my emotions have come out on the losing end of the battle.
My limits have been winning, getting the best of me.
All I can think about is how I don’t have the energy to take a day hike with a friend, when I have the glory of the Sierra Mountains practically in my own backyard in one direction, and the grandeur of the Pacific Ocean in the other. Or I think about how I can only sit down and write for an hour at a time. I am tired of feeling frustrated and slow; tired of taking twice as long to finish anything.
In the past ten years I have grown accustomed to not firing on all cylinders. No easy feat for a dedicated A-type personality like me. But as my dear grandmother loves to say, it is what it is.
We all have these things.
And I have to learn to take a hard look at mine as say “so what?”
There are things in life not worth holding onto. Stress over what I can’t do is one of them.
There is a power in letting go and choosing to just be.
And with it peace and gratitude will settle in, and a realization of all the amazing things I can do. All those healthy and positive emotions will have the chance to come through and shine all on their own.
Today I begin the journey to letting go.
To just being.
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