Surprise, Surprise

Well, I finally heard from my doctor on that Celiac-wheat sensitivity test I took last week.  The results came as a surprise, actually.  Friends, here’s the deal-io:

I don’t have Celiac.  And the results showed no indication of wheat sensitivity.  Not even close.  Totally negative across the board.

In anticipation of this test, I ate plenty of wheaty stuff in the days leading up to it.  I saw it as my last hurrah, so to speak.  Delicious artisan bread, cake and sourdough English muffins drenched in the saltiest butter I could find.  And after the test I committed to eating well and super clean, my attempt to flush the evil toxins out. 

Apparently wheat isn’t so evil after all.

I don’t know how to feel about it.  Part of me wanted a different answer.  I wanted something solid to point to, something that I could take control of and actively change in my life, for her to say to me “this is it, and if you change it you have the power to make it all better.”  I have gone on my gluten free kicks in the past, and none have resulted in improved health.  I have even been completely gluten free for the past six days, and all the bad symptoms have been relentless, as usual.  My digestion issues, pain, fatigue, skin sensitivity, hair loss, everything has stayed the same, just as they did before, when I went as long as six weeks without gluten.  At the most, I had days with slightly better digestion, but the improvement never stuck around even as I remained committed to eating clean and wheat free.

But there was always the possibility of it changing, of feeling better.  I suppose that is why I stuck to it, and why I was expecting something different this time around.

So now I will continue on, working to find the answers.  I remain committed to eating well, resting, exercising, and celebrating the things in life that make my heart sing.  Dietary indulgences will merely be an occasional thing. 

It is nice to know when I go back to Paris I can stand on a busy street corner, spy a croissant through the window of a lovely patisserie, and indulge without harming my body.  I am relieved to know when I visit Carmel with Husband this December for our anniversary, we can go to our favorite cheese shop in the village and pick up some bread, olives, wine and other goodies. I can sit on the beach and partake in all the deliciousness and not get sick.   I will have buttery, sugary Christmas cookies to enjoy.  If I want chocolate biscotti with my coffee I will have it.

But as wonderful as that all sounds, I still want the answers; so great and vibrant health can be mine.

The journey continues . . .

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