In The Moment

Inspiration has been hard to come by lately.  I don’t understand it.  It isn’t for lack of ideas or amazing things to write about.  They are all around me.  Surely you would think I can find something to say about them.

But sometimes nothing comes.

I am confused by the ebb and flow.  How one day it all can come so easily and there is no stopping me.  How my fingers can’t move fast enough on my keyboard to get my thoughts out.  And then out of nowhere it comes to a screeching halt.  I have nothing.  I force myself to sit at a blank computer screen, as if that will accomplish anything. Hours go by.  And then an almost panic sets in.  I fear I will never get unstuck.

I think I’m a little too obsessed about the future.  I have ridiculous lofty goals and impossible self-imposed deadlines to meet.  All of these things are noble, and almost necessary, in theory.  But I forgot where to draw the line.  I’m stressed.  I’ve worked myself up to the point where relentless drive and expectations are getting in the way.

The future and all its promise is a gift.  I am in this time and place, and I am in good, supportive and loving company for a reason.  This miracle isn’t lost on me.

But I want to step away from the pressures of the future for just a moment.  I need perspective.  I want to breathe and let go.  Because actually, when it all comes down to it, the present and this moment is all we really have.

Today I want to set aside the pressures and goals and deadlines and just be.  To feel the freedom of no responsibility.  To clear my mind and experience the warm sun on my skin and the breeze against my cheek.  To slow down and actually pay attention to all the ordinary sounds and smells and emotions that usually pass me by, and suddenly don’t seem so ordinary anymore.

Because really there isn’t anything ordinary about any of this.

I owe it to myself to slow down and relax.  It’s just one day.  A day to enjoy life and clear my head.  Inspiration will find me once again and settle in when it is ready.

After all, it always finds a way.

For all of us.

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