Yesterday afternoon Husband came to me and suggested we enjoy a dinner out at our favorite sushi place. He knew I was worn out and feeling isolated, spending most of my time at home being sick. I wanted so badly to go. But I was reluctant.
To be completely honest, sometimes I feel like I am dying inside. I can be so tired of everything. Too often I am not well enough to go out and enjoy the world, and feel what it means to be an active participant in this life. Plans are complicated, no matter how simple and easy they may seem. Even a casual dinner on a sleepy Sunday evening with the one I love. This man, who has absolutely no expectations of me. And still it can feel like too much.
It drains my soul.
I can’t always let it win. Some time together away from the house would feel special and lift my spirits. On this night, I would try.
I kept my attire casual. Our destination didn’t call for anything else. Crisp white denim capris, sandals and a floaty peasant top, with a loose braid spilling down my back. I felt good, but I wanted more. I reached for my makeup. Husband watched me as I prepared in front of the mirror.
“Sweetheart, why are you getting fancy? Don’t wear yourself out,” he whispered softly.
I looked at him appreciatively. “I need to feel beautiful.”
“But you are beautiful.”
I closed my eyes. I knew what I was doing. Judging my reaction he knew it was best he let it go and leave me to do what I wanted to do. For myself.
I would keep it simple. A sheer wash of shadow and a stroke of mascara around my eyes. A gentle swipe of powder on each cheek. But when my work was done, I suddenly didn’t want to be simple. I wanted to feel more than beautiful. I wanted to feel the way I used to, seductive and free. I rifled through my makeup case in search of that one special color, a departure from my usual and safe subtle pink.
I found it, my tube of rich and delectable reddish wine Yves Saint Laurent. I applied it carefully. There tends to be little room for error with my darker shades. It had to conform to the outline of my lips just right. But when its creamy dark hue was perfectly in place, I stood before the mirror and loved what I saw. And experienced a feeling I haven’t felt in an extremely long time.
I was a woman transformed.
There is a tremendous comfort, a peace really, in being ordinary. But there is a gratification in standing out. A power, and pleasure, in being sexy and knowing it. To look and feel so put together, when almost always poise and confidence within yourself is so hard to come by. It can be a rare and fleeting feeling for me. But on this night it was mine.
It was a wonderful date, everything I needed and wanted it to be. And when I need that lift again, to go from sick plain Jane to healthy vixen, I only need to turn to my makeup case, and one perfect shade of lipstick, to experience the magic all over again.
Photo Source (Elizabeth Taylor quote & Monica Belucci makeup ad): http://weheartit.com/
Photo Source: (Sushi plate): http://mysummertwist.tumblr.com/