Monthly Archives: April 2012
At 9:30 last night I grabbed my wallet and car keys and high tailed it up to the grocery store for the most fattening ice cream I could find. I wasn’t upset or depressed. And I wasn’t hormonal or anything like that. I had the craving all darn day, and finally after hours of so badly wanting that rich, cold deliciousness, I gave in.
99.9% of the time you won’t see me making the eleventh hour run to the grocery store. It has nothing to do with super human willpower, or any desire to consistently squeeze into my favorite, unforgiving jeans.
Mr. Allyson (aka Husband) is here for the job. You know how they say to avoid temptation, just don’t keep bad stuff in the house? If you don’t buy it and have it around, then problem solved and diet kept intact, right? Well, that trick doesn’t work in our world. Husband has trekked to the store in the wee hours of the night for chocolate, chips, cake, or whatever else I require. Now, this is usually self serving on his part, because then it’s just an excuse to get whatever he wants, too.
But who cares?
Last night I wanted to be the one to go. I just wasn’t sure what it was going to be, the decadent and sinful treat that would tickle my fancy. Chocolate hazelnut gelato? Häagen-Dazs vanilla, pure white sweetness with black flecks of bean throughout? Or something with a peanut butter ribbon?
All three made it into the cart. And there wasn’t a shred of guilt within me to be found.
I have been careless with my diet lately. It all started with Easter chocolate and I have been going strong ever since. I get like this sometimes. I have these phases when I don’t want to eat at all, and then I can go weeks or even months and want everything under the sun. Now is one of those times. I’m not sad, worried, or depressed. If anything I am the happiest I have been in a long time. Writing again has given me purpose. As far as my marriage goes, I have been feeling extra loved lately. And doggie mommyhood is so wonderful that I want to adopt baby #3 soon. I just don’t know what it is that has me indulging my every craving these days. I’m just going with it.
Earlier today I closed my eyes as I walked through the house, and I could feel how my hips have grown just a tad. How my belly is just a bit softer. Oddly, it feels good. I welcome it. It isn’t bothering me in the least. I think it comes down to knowing I am doing what I want, that I no longer believe in deprivation. In college I was an anorexic, miserable mess. I think back to those years and how, sadly, I lost so many moments. Missed out on all that pleasure. For nothing.
I never want to be there again.
Now there is more of me to love. Those extra tight jeans are hanging in the closet, waiting for my return. It will happen eventually. I will start caring again.
For now they can wait a day or two.
Maybe even forever.
Photo Source: http://weheartit.com/
Some who know me would tell you I am a shopaholic girlie girl. The girlie girl part would be true. The shopaholic part not so much. Oh, there was a time when I could hold my own with the best of them. It is years later and the reputation has apparently stuck. But when I grew up a bit my priorities shifted, and then medical bills started piling up. It has been a really long time since my income has allowed for the frivolous spending of my past.
I have struggled with looking cute and chic on a shoestring budget. At first I thought it would be fun, like some whimsical treasure hunt, and I would discover some hidden talent I never knew I had. It hasn’t worked out too well. I went to thrift stores and didn’t find anything I loved, or even remotely liked. That sort of thing takes time and patience, and I inconveniently lack both of them. I have tried Ebay, with so-so luck. And then I have tried avoiding stores altogether and being happy with what is already in my closet. That tactic does nothing but depress me.
Shoes have always been my thing. In my mind, they are the great equalizer of the wardrobe world. It doesn’t matter what the scale says on any given day, if I haven’t worked out in a month or if my hormones are making me feel chubby. She can be overweight or perfectly svelte. The right pair will make any girl feel beautiful. And when she feels beautiful, she will be beautiful.
Not long ago I wouldn’t have been caught dead wearing flats. If my heels weren’t at least four inches high, then I just wasn’t sexy. Well, let’s just say I have come around. I had this epiphany when I spied a beautiful pair of Juicy Couture flats online. A lush coal velvet with crystals adorning the toe. I just couldn’t take my eyes off them. And there was an added bonus. On sale! I am like a bee to honey when I hear those words.
I went for it. And I am so glad I did. Flats are super cute. They can even be sexy, too. But aesthetics aside, they are comfy and so much better on my aching body. I can’t believe I used to hang out in clubs or at work for hours, teetering on sky high heels like it was nothing. Those were the days. I do miss my younger and healthier body. Every day I think about it. But I am also happy I discovered cute, cool flats, and how they can make an equally interesting fashion statement.
It had been a really long time since I treated myself to anything special. My mind has been on other things, I guess. So last week I decided to give myself a pick-me-up. I found a great pair of (you guessed it) flats. They will go perfect with cropped denim or whatever else I pair them with. Sparkly, pink and oh so me! And being by Nine West, they fit into my budget. No buyer’s remorse whatsoever. I was afraid, given their price point, they wouldn’t be comfortable. But they feel great. What a find! I can’t stop smiling.
Even if I had oodles of moola, I just can’t see myself dropping $1500 on Tom Fords or Louboutins. I would much rather take a vacation and make some memories, or use the cash to make my house pretty. Like I said, priorities have a way of shifting. I will always love beautiful things and appreciate the vision and workmanship involved. I will just have to admire from afar.
Just ask Dorothy. Or Cinderella. Or the more contemporary Carrie Bradshaw. Shoes have a way of changing your life. They certainly aren’t the answer to everything. But in an often gloomy and uncertain world, a touch of magic like that has a way of making things happy. Everything seems prettier, even for just a moment. I will do my part. When there is room in my budget for a little fun, I will treat myself again and again.
Making the world brighter. One pair of shoes at a time.
Photo Source (Ruby & Glass Slippers): http://weheartit.com/